My Husband is in Love With Another Woman But Wants to Stay With Me
The other day, I received an email from a wife who told me: "My husband is in love with someone else, he is very honest about the fact that he loves her, but says that his commitment is for me and our He will stay with me, but I feel that he is only with me because he is obligated.I suspect that if he could get away with it, he would be with her.How can I have a marriage knowing that I am the second prize? I'll tell you what I told you in the next article.
If your husband is in love with someone else, he should not have contact with her if you are going to save your marriage: It seems like common sense, but I can not tell you how many women write to me and explain to me a situation in which the husband is still with wife and mistress. This scenario can not end well. If your husband has the ability to compare him to the woman who is not washing his clothes or picking up after him or carrying the luggage of the story between you, then he may well lose.
If you are truly committed to yourself, then your loyalty and your attention should be in your home. To restore trust and intimacy, you can not and should not worry if he has been with her. He must cut all ties. There are no exceptions for this. I realize that you can work well with it, but if this is the case, then you have to establish very firm limits (and in fact I prefer that you transfer or get another job). It is a great detriment for you to ask her to even remotely allow her into your life. You deserve better than this and you must demand it.
If he wants to stay with you, make him win this right. You should not see her, talk to her or interact with her and should provide her with what she needs to show you can trust that this is the reality of the situation.
Concentrating on just two of you: Once you banish this woman from your life (and your husband's), your focus should move toward the two of you. Do not give him more power than he deserves and do not continue to return to it or to the relationship. For this to work, both must commit to repairing the marriage. Keep insisting on it goes against this. And, frankly, continuing to raise her alone makes her husband think of her. Obviously you do not want this. Keep your attention where it belongs, in you and your family.
Now, you must recognize why the adventure happened, but concentrate on what went wrong in YOUR relationship and how to solve it instead of what was so special about YOUR relationship. Your relationship should be over, done and finally forgotten. You can accelerate this by focusing on the things that will help to reestablish the link and the connection.
I find that many people make the mistake of putting too much pressure on the situation. This makes both people feel uncomfortable and clumsy. These negative feelings can make you feel that this is just a lost cause. It is important that both be clear about the fact that the commitment is there, so it will be good to confuse or fight for a while. You should know that you are absolutely committed to yourself and vice versa, so that if there are difficult times in the future, both will remain there, knowing that if you can spend the next few weeks, things will be much easier.
Creating a newer and better marriage: Yes, working on this is difficult. But, it is important not to make it painful. Focus on having fun together day after day when you are ready. You must create what is a "new normality". However, this new state of being should be better than what came before. Visit new places Have new experiences. Buy, travel and eat in new places that will create new memories. Leave your comfort zone to create feelings of excitement, exploration and anticipation.
I know that part of this article has focused on her and the negative aspects of her. But, I want you to focus on what the good news is. He made it clear that he is committed to you. Many wives do not have this luxury. I have so many women who write me and tell me that not only is he in love with someone else, but he is leaving and going to be with her. This is not your situation, so take advantage of what you have at this moment: your commitment (and hopefully yours too)